The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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