Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
