Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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