sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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