so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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