kristin has been a bad kristin
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
