it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
