I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
