Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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