Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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