Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
