shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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