Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
