My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
