I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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