absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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