Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
