I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
