physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
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Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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