Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
