my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
