She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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