i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!