Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT