Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.