billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.