Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.