TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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