Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
