Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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