So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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