the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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