Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
