Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
