Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
