do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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