in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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