I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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