advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
