This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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