if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i wish my penis had a tongue
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
