Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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