So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
