I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
