Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Buhtt sex?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
