If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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