never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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