You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
