I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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