she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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