My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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