can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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