You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
