In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
