Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
