My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
