The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
