Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
