he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
