Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
