I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
