You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
