I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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