12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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