After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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