I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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