I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my sisters under your porch take her home
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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