used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
