Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
