I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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