I heard we made out
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
