thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
