one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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