Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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