who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
