I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
