The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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