this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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